Sam was 5’10 and weighed 60kg soaking wet. He’d been skinny all his life. He’d look at photos over the years and see the underlying theme of his clothes always looking baggy, no matter how small a size he wore. The phrase ‘fill a T-shirt’ was well and truly lost on him.
Years later and now in his 20’s, he’s a little heavier but the skinny, non-muscular look hasn’t really left despite vain efforts to get into lifting and training. When he feels down about it and wonders how much of his failures are due to his appearance, he often thinks about how good it can be to look younger than your actual age. Then reality smacks him with the realisation that part of his youthful image is due to his pre-pubescent physique. It all feels like a vicious circle.
He appreciated the irony that somewhere out there, there’d be someone on the other side of the spectrum; wishing they were skinny. Hating their fat stomach and longing to move around free without being tired and hating themselves. What’s even funnier is girls seem to steal the show when it comes to worrying about looks, as modern society seems to bundle lots of pressure on them to look a certain way……..
And at this point Sam scratched his head and thought about all the other things plaguing male insecurities nowadays: lack of height, early hair loss, inability to grow facial hair, small penis size, premature greying, being too fat, being too thin, not being muscular enough, not having a set career path, not earning X amount of money, not having the classical ‘handsome good looks’………
The more he thought about it the more he realised he could spend quite some time listing all the things the modern man is led to believe will limit his success in the world. It was one of those ‘WTF’ moments.
Of course, mentally listing all the possible Achilles heels of his fellow man raised the even bigger question of: WHO WAS HE/THEY TRYING TO BE ACCEPTED BY?
The harsh reality sunk in. The approval of a female was the main driving force behind why so many men go to inordinate lengths to fix the ‘pitfalls’ he just mulled over in his head a moment ago. He realised it was his fundamental drive, too. He just wanted a decent girl; one that would love him for him, flaws included. One that would be attracted to him despite him not matching up to standards paraded around on Instagram, YouTube and Facebook.
With his gym interest he’d acquired a few YouTube heroes (guys that would trick him into believing their lives were perfect), who would tout the benefits of gaining 20-30 lbs of muscle as a skinny guy and how it would ‘level up’ your game with chicks. He wondered how true it was; what did it count for? And would his confidence with girls really sky-rocket if he attained that V-taper and peaky biceps?
Interrupting the story with some truth bombs
The story above is a real one and one many of you guys will read and wonder how I got access to your life and the inner workings of your head so easily. The point being: it’s all too common nowadays. And marketers know this and will prey on you like a pack of hyenas prey on a wounded gazelle.
Your Youtube gods are nearly always as natural as no sex before marriage (taking shit loads of steroids and artificial amounts of testosterone) – it’s this that gets them their look, not their 60 day sculpted arms secret E-book. And Okay, okay, not EVERYONE with a big social media presence is roided up, sure. But the mass marketers nearly always are. Simply because they have no real content value; they have to resort to the sheer ‘wow factor’ and silly eating contests to impress people.
The real gems are people putting out actual information of value, from places of experience. These guys are busy training and sharing their findings. They don’t go on about aesthetics, only performance. Years down the line they find the aesthetics that they only become aware of because of others’ passing comments are thanks to hard, performance based training. They share info that works, not some program they didn’t even use or write that’s supposed to build a beach body to get you a babe on your arm in the next 30 days.
Does muscle get girls?
So while we’re here let’s touch on this topic from my own meandering experience. If you haven’t read my ‘about me‘ page, you’ll not know I was once a lard ass with a big belly who got sick of being fat and went about losing a shit load (30 odd kg defo qualifies as a SHIT LOAD) of weight (yep, ‘weight’ as lots of muscle was flushed down the toilet too), to end up skinny for the first time in my life.
Was I really skinny? Fuck yeah, 181cm at 60kg is skinny for a guy who weighed that when he was 10 years old and maybe even younger!
At that point I wanted to look better but enjoyed being lean and seeing definition I’d never seen before so I was in no rush. What I didn’t realise at the time was I was about to embark on a massive scale social experiment. I was about to find out what adding 20kg+ of mass to your frame over nearly 6 years does to your ‘success’ with women.
As of today I weigh 87 kg in a relatively lean condition (not super shredded but by all means ‘in shape’). I’ll ignore the semantics of how much exactly I’ve gained as to be honest, we can’t quantify it with laser like accuracy anyway. But suffice to say a fair bit and to say women don’t care about muscles on a guy and/or looks is flat out HORSESHIT.
It’s like saying this corona virus nonsense hasn’t exposed how much we’re all slaves to whatever the mass media wants us to believe. Again, crock of shit. You’re too busy taking journalists words as gospel to live life in the way you actually want to.
So yeah, girls do flock to muscular looking guys. Girls are superficial and visual too, who knew?! Next you’ll tell me girls like sex as much men? Surely not. Girls masturbate as well?! Come on now, let’s relax on the conspiracy theories………
BUT, before it all seems very negative and anti-climactic, allow me to assure you muscles only get you initial interest. It doesn’t change the hideous dynamics of the dating world today. A world where women are overloaded with options and attention to where one man’s best efforts will never be enough, because how can one man compete with an inbox of messages and date invites in the dozens?
If that one man puts a smidgen of a foot wrong, he’s out. Replaced. Just like that. It’s too easy for girls to jump ship nowadays, or, as my new favourite term goes ‘monkey branch’, to a better part of the tree. Now the haters and feminists will say I’m bitter and have no personality and that’s why I’ve seen monkey branching at its finest……….not quite.
See I had involvement with quite a few girls over the last year or so and some of these were ones I actually knew pretty damn well, may I add. And irrespective of whatever bond we may have or had, they’d still play through the options they ‘get fed up with’ and try and work their way round all the different guys they could. Did I screw up? If not begging to be with a girl and being in any way needy is screwing up, then fuck it, I’m guilty.
But if having your own life and independence and living to your higher purposes and callings despite whether a female approves or not is considered ‘lacking game’ then I’m not sure I even want to play.
‘Don’t ignore women!’ you say. ‘They need attention!’ You say. ‘The right attention from the right guy is all she ever needs and more!’ you say……….
I say this is a balance that’s impossible to win. Their need for attention varies like the weather and you’re expected to try and decipher the right amount at the right times or else. So not only have you got to build your own life and empire and manage all your shit, you’ve got to walk an emotional tight rope with no second lives if you so much as topple. All the while having no consistent or clear signals as to what the girl really wants.
‘I just get bored easy!’ she says. You ask her what she wants or what would excite her or even keep her interested beyond your sell-by-date and she says: ‘I don’t even know’, with forced shame.
You might even have great times where she’ll kiss you like she’s loved you for years and wave you off on amazing terms, for you to the be ghosted and left waiting for any contact for days, weeks or even longer. Yep, months has happened. Then they’ll come crawling out of the woodwork because the ‘project’ you were cast aside for suffered its inevitable fate of coming to a short and unexplained end. Most likely because the guy actually liked her and tried to build something with her, just as her wavering mind began questioning itself again and she wondered where else the grass could be greener still.
And that’s when you’re relevant again, if you let yourself be. This usually happens because a new attention source hasn’t been assigned yet, so old faithful is expected to dust himself off and be ready to go. No questions asked or answered. Her shit behaviour goes unaccountable, again.
But they’re biologically wired to always seek out better!
Again, I get that but it doesn’t mean you have to live your life in a way that makes your actions depend solely on attracting your princess. Going to a club for girls. Going to the gym for girls. Getting hairstyles because girls like it. Wearing clothes that aren’t comfortable because a girl thinks it’s cute. I could go on. Guys do this everywhere. They’re a slave to the brainwashing they’ve had, believing because they can’t lock down women, they’re not worthy.
True freedom is doing things for you and living in a way that benefits you. It sounds like hippie self-love BS but it’s true. One of the best ways to know you’ve finally ‘grown up’ is when you cease to please others as much. You do what your soul enjoys and you feel no burning desire to share your victories with the world as the approval from others doesn’t matter a shit to you. It’s the sheer pleasure of your passion that stays with you eternally, not some fleeting attention and validation from someone else who only wants you while you’re winning, anyway.
So lads, lift for you. Lift because you enjoy it. Lift to challenge your mind. Lift to grow and be better. Challenge the hand life has dealt you. See how far you can take your potential. You can never maximise your potential while desperately trying to impress others and by extension, worrying about their opinions of you. Realise a more muscular version of you attracts the superficial and really doesn’t change you all that much. The rest comes from within; it has to be deeper.
So if you find a good woman, great. But don’t compromise or see yourself as sub par because some girl didn’t like you the way you are or got bored no matter how much you showed your true self. If you want to self improve, do it for you and under the sentiments of leaving the world a better place and not for some chick who can’t see past the excitement of going on tinder to see who’s swiped right on her – or how many hundreds of beta cucks are drooling for her attention, to be more precise.
There seems to be an eerie law in nature where the universe brings exactly what you’re deserving of to you, in this very moment. If you’re not where you want to be right now then it’s because you’re not deserving of better – for now at least. People’s backs get up when you say this as our buck passing society likes to mollycoddle everyone into believing if only that person hadn’t said such and such, things would have been different………the reality is: shit happened and what are you going to do about it? The tears dry up eventually and the only medicine left is positive action.
Do things for you and those that matter to you. Usually the numbers are fewer than you think but if you have a reasonable number of people around who truly matter, you’re blessed and lucky but no doubt it’s because you’ve drawn these people in by putting out the right vibes, right energy, right mindset, right boundaries. And most of all, I bet my bottom dollar you didn’t get them in your life by dying to impress them.
Live free wherever possible.
The 'brains' behind StraightTalkingFitness, a site all about discovery that leads to strength in all formats; fitness, mental, emotional and spiritual. Everything starts from within and projects outwards. Master the body, master anything and everything.