As objective a view as possible on the evolution of dating for the modern man versus the man of ‘yester-generation’.
I didn’t want to write this post but at the same time I did. Make sense of that. I didn’t want to pen it because it will get a lot of people’s panties in a bunch. Although I did want to write it because it’s a very relevant topic in the year 2020 & 2021, as well as the sheer amount of times it comes up in conversation for me – both in person and online.
Who knew the iconic scene from The Matrix could be such a metaphor for life in the future?
The red pill approach/philosophy was much more underground and specialist anywhere from say 1-3 years ago. Now it’s becoming more and more known. Guys are finding their way to it, or as is often the case, being forced to it via adaptation in response to their experiences with women.
A ‘red pill’ primer………
For those unsure, the red pill approach is essentially a 180 turn from the conventional dating beliefs of the world and everything we’re told while we grow up. It’s the grand awakening; an awakening that’s virtually impossible to reverse. It’s like you’ve been given a new set of eyes or some kind of special glasses with X-ray vision.
‘Conventional’ thinking is coined ‘blue pill’ mentality in the community. Blue pill thinking encapsulates outdated views and beliefs based on a time gone by. The red pill is said to be the approach of the modern man, the ‘woke’ man, the true masculine maverick of today’s world.
Examples of blue pill thinking/brainwash/indoctrination are………
- A man must grow up, get married, have kids and serve his wife for the rest of his life
- Women are the same as men and should be treated as such
- Masculine traits, behavior and overall masculinity is toxic and should be suppressed/removed altogether
- Women aren’t sexually promiscuous like men
- Women aren’t always looking for better options and will love you and be loyal to you forever
- Putting your life purpose and yourself before chasing women is selfish and a one way ticket to loneliness
- You should tolerate ‘mental health’ labels as excuses or get out of jail cards for just downright poor behaviour
Those are just some. It’s open to interpretation but that’s the nuts and bolts of it. This is waking up to reality as opposed to listening to mummy and daddy telling you you’ll marry your princess, and live happily ever after with the 2 happy kids that go on to be successful.
You can see why red pill thinking gets bashed as ‘women hating’. Although I don’t think it is. It’s seeing reality for what it is and living and acting accordingly. I’m friends with and close to plenty of girls and women and I don’t hate them at all. Although I will say I subscribe to many ideologies of the ‘red pill’.
Let me give you my take on red pill mindset as I understand it, having studied plenty of literature on it as well as having read up heavily on relationship dynamics both past and present…………
- Red pill means knowing your worth as a male and as a dating option
- Red pill means living your life before chasing women
- Red pill means having firm dating boundaries in place and not demeaning yourself by accepting less than you deserve
- Red pill means stoic acceptance of how the modern woman behaves
- Red pill means having an ‘abundance mindset’; meaning you know your worth to other women even if your current one treats you badly
- Red pill means a no jealousy policy to women having flings with other men and trying to test your reaction(s)
- Red pill means living in a way that makes you a valuable asset to the life of potential partners, friends, family and your nearest and dearest
As you can see, it’s very much a response to the direction society is pulling the world in. It’s almost a case of ‘fighting back’ but I see it more as a way of making the best of the current situation. In some ways it could be thought of as an anti-feminist movement. But why does the modern man need to retaliate to modern feminism?
Feminism – a changing of the guard & neutralising of sexual polarity
I’ve touched on the issues of feminism and how they pertain to modern relationships before, and much to my expectancy, this riled lots of people up who jumped in defense of this movement and only saw things from the angle of ‘but it betters women’. I get that, but at what cost? For what you’re gaining in some areas, you’re woefully losing elsewhere.
In order for successful relationships to exist there must be sexual polarity present. Sexual polarity is opposing energy completing one and other. This is masculine and feminine energy. The two are drawn together fundamentally and this is the source of human mating success for thousands of years.
Feminism wants us to believe women are men and should act like such. Feminism also bashes masculinity and labels it ‘toxic’. Meaning a man acting masculine and displaying masculine traits is bad for the world around him. Therefore he needs to be shamed for it and downplay his natural traits to please society. Of course the same is true in the case of the feminine woman who has no fundamental interest in being, or competing with, a man.
Societal pressure is pushing people in directions they don’t need or even want to go. It’s neutralising polarity which causes disruption in relationships as people don’t know how to act or what role to play.
Now I can hear you arguing: but why do they have to play a role?!
They don’t but there will be a strong inner drive to be in whichever natural gender side you fall into, be it feminine or masculine. Whichever one you align with most will be how you naturally act in a relationship. And sure, women can assume a masculine role and men can assume a feminine role. The problem is society is trying to force this to happen. Men and women don’t know how to be and now look at evolutionary behaviour as bad and even wrong.
I’ve never understood where we forgot to celebrate the differences between men and women? Whatever happened to finding someone to compliment you in areas you lack? Or is this an all too old fashioned view now?
Modern day arrogance – ‘we’re so evolved now!’
We like to think we’re above everything with the way we carry ourselves on this earth. Killing everything for our benefit and destroying the very thing that gave us life in the first place, our planet.
Just look at the events of this year and we can see how humans almost need no survival instincts now as we’ll look after everything and everyone. There’s almost no benefit to making yourself better and more resilient/healthy/strong as it’s no longer survival of the fittest but rather, survival of everyone.
And this is just my point: we evolved by fighting for survival and developing toughness. Furthermore, we are more fundamentally primal than we like to think. When all’s said and done, we just want to procreate and pass our genes on. We can gloss it up however suits but everyone’s habits, behaviour and desires always come back to procreation aka SEX.
We’re at the beginning of a massively transitional time but we’re not there yet. We’re complex, sure, but we’re not as complex as we like to think – not so complex we don’t want or need to procreate.
Hypergamy – Man’s biggest opposition
Just realised I left this off the ‘red pill means _______’ section. So here goes: Red pill means a full understanding of women’s hypergamous nature. What am I talking about? Let’s look at the definition………
Hypergamy is a term used in social science for the act or practice of a person marrying a spouse of higher caste or social status than themselves. The antonym “hypogamy” refers to the inverse: marrying a person of lower social class or status.– Wikipedia
This is women’s never settle/never fully commit attitude and approach to relationships and ‘love’. It’s evolutionary to an extent and is basically her way of encouraging the best possible genes for her offspring. It’s always been like this, yep, you’re right but the extent to which hasn’t.
Thanks to dating apps and feminism leaking into the modern man’s mindset, women have been placed upon a pedestal that’s well and truly gone to their heads………
Unless it was exactly like this in the generations preceeding us. Now before you accuse me of speaking from a place of inexperience, I firmly believe only a fool speaks from a place of theory and no practical experience. This has been the basis for all my content.
You see, 2019 all the way up until now was beyond eye opening to me as I had dozens of experiences with women in their early 20s and many close friends of mine had similar experiences, some of which were with women in their 30s. I’ve even had some experiences myself with women above 30, too.
A theme emerged quickly: these girls would all claim single status yet be hooking up with other men outside of what they were doing with me. How did I know? A mixture of hearing it from the guys themselves and seeing them out with the guys in question. During these hookups I was told they were ‘busy with work’ or just trying to ‘get over their last proper ex’, or they’d even complain about guys hounding them with attention. Maybe they wanted me to join the circus?
I’ve seen so many sides of the same coin, I’ve had girls pretending their boyfriend is just ‘a friend’ while they play single over and over, all the while I’m fully aware of the real deal here. And it’s easy to see what’s happening: they like me but where I’m not as readily available, they’ve settled for the other guy they don’t desire as much. Sure it’s flattering being wanted but how would you feel if you were their boyfriend thinking you’re on the same page, all the while your chick is longing for other guys?!
“Just self improve more though & stop bitching! “
A lot of guys think once they achieve X, Y or Z they’ll have all their problems shifted……..
……..If only I earnt more, if only I drove a fancier car, if only I was 3 inches taller, if only I had a bigger dick, if only I had better hair, if only I had bigger muscles, if only I lived _______ instead of _________ it’d be far better………..
But where does it end? Should you have to be a PHD grad with a mansion, 6ft 3, 10 % body fat, perfect head of hair and a superb jawline who knows game inside out just to find a suitable companion?
Never mind the fact these women you’re trying to attract desperately aren’t exactly the best humans walking the earth. You’ll see women with no job, children by a slew of different men, in remission for a ton of mental health issues, overweight and not particularly hygienic, listing all these high class traits a potential date must have……..
Indifference – man’s greatest weapon
Alas, you can only be an outlier to a certain extent. Despite how hard you try, certain things are out of your control as a singular entity. But, as Viktor Frankl said………
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.Viktor Frankl.
This means you must live for you and your heart’s desires. You must build and discover your own self value, self worth and ultimately learn to love who you are without your self image resting on women’s approval. Part of this is creating boundaries and standards; knowing what you want and what you don’t. And also knowing what you will compromise on and what you’re not willing to compromise on.
So many young men nowadays have bad experiences with girls and take it so personally. And this just highlights Viktor Frankl’s point: you choose how you react to it. Are you really going to let a handful of girls affect how you see yourself and how much impact you make on the world in the future?
See, I was the same. I spent years accepting girls for the sheer fact they liked me enough and it validated my ego/lack of self worth/need to be accepted. Even then these girls weren’t what they portrayed themselves to be, not by a long shot! So what was the point?
As I’ve gotten older I’ve become far more robust in my criteria for girls I consider romantically. And believe me, this isn’t a post stemming from a man with no options. Even this year I had a fair few dating options. Some of which were tempting, very tempting, but I knew in m heart of hearts these girls weren’t right for me in the long run.
And this is the meaning of it all; to heighten your senses. To strengthen our radar and to increase the likelihood of bringing better people into our life. Will we all find our life partner? Most likely not. There are more men than ever breaking up in their 40s, 50s and even 60s after years. Whose to blame? Both parties no doubt but the point remains: it may not be forever and that’s OK.
Your career, mission, friends, passion, hobbies and legacies should define the image you see in the mirror, not whether you have eye candy on your arm.
I guess it’s easy when you’re the self-reliant type but waking up to reality is painful, although freedom (true freedom) doesn’t come without some form of pain and suffering. It’s just down to how you choose to see it and apply it going forward.
The red pill topic is a rapidly growing one and a very interesting one. The stories are incredible and more and more men are adopting this way of living. Sure, you can dig too far into the rabbit hole and brainwash yourself but the bare bones always remain true and clear to see.
This post was for all the guys who have suffered the inconsistencies of the modern female and for those who always ask my take on the red pill. Common sense and personal experience are strong enough criteria to make calls from where I’m typing. I didn’t want to sling dirt and share my own personal stories but believe me, I’ve had my fair share.
If you find this post offensive, take it up with the world we live in or ask yourself why the truth hurts so much?
The 'brains' behind StraightTalkingFitness, a site all about discovery that leads to strength in all formats; fitness, mental, emotional and spiritual. Everything starts from within and projects outwards. Master the body, master anything and everything.