TRUE Freedom Vs Conformity (Objective Vs Subjective Living)

Thoughts, feelings and analysis are interesting things as rarely are they ever truly objective. As science shows very well: the human brain is subject to immense bias, even if we think we’re safe, we very rarely are as safe as we’re tricked into thinking.

The above being a prime example.

These biases are hard-wired into us from very shortly after we exit the womb and they accumulate, strengthening with every passing year – strengthening even further when left unchallenged.

And they’re not limited to certain topics. They will exist and root themselves in everything. Basically anything and everything you can form a belief system on can be affected, and most likely will.

So, how do we define objectivity & subjectivity in the context of today’s post?

Objectivity is seeing and experiencing the world as it is. Not more, not less but exactly as it is. It’s not thinking the world is what we want it to be and more than it actually is (fantasist idealistic mindset), and nor is it seeing things in a distorted view and less than it actually is (depressive self-limiting mindset), but rather as it actually is, right here, right now.

Subjectivity is your perception of something/someone/an occurrence etc. And that’s the one prone to bias and all too often distorts your view, thoughts and perception of reality.

Just to backtrack for a second here, I’m not trying some weird reverse psychology on you, by convincing you your current perception of reality is completely wrong, and instead you need to adopt my new revolutionary way of thinking & approach to life…

If only I was that smart! This isn’t a movie, just a plea to get you out of close-minded thinking and open you up to the objective world – where we see reality, accept it, deal with it and make the most of it.

The self-improvement circus

Never before have we been so aware of self-improvement and how we need to be on the upward climb at all times. It’s not ‘do your best and that’s all you can do’ anymore. It’s ‘do more than everyone else is x10 and even then be ultra grateful for the life you’re still not happy with, because you’re not fixed and have thousands of miles left on your journey’.

And it’s great. We’re evolutionary beings and getting better by even 0.5-1% everyday would lead to changes we couldn’t even comprehend in 2, 3 or 5 years time. But the problem is our efforts to self improve are often wasted as we aim at all the wrong things and can never figure out where we need to take aim.

You feel me?

This is where the weapon that is objectivity comes in. Having objective feedback, objective analysis, objective goals and an objective plan of attack.

The first step is mindset; learning to pause for a moment and truly process what’s actually happening. You could say this is a roundabout case for the stoic approach? Regular and old time readers will know I’m a huge fan of the stoic approach to life where possible.

The world is trying to brainwash you into being overly sensitive. It wants gender neutrality and no winners anymore. All 10 participants can share the participation award…..but who’s the winner?

ALL OF US! YAY!

Being emotional and reactive takes you off your ultimate aim in this world (whatever that may be) and it pulls you into a world of conforming to whatever beliefs the masses have, which will NEVER give you your best life, believe me.

They trick you into thinking everyone will win but the guys at the top are still winning and you didn’t even know you were in a competition….

Whereas being objectively stoic and seeing what you need to do for the life you want, and then cutting out all the noise that’s there to take us off course will pay dividends over time.

You’re lost though?

We’re all lost. Even those who have ‘found themselves’ aren’t ever entirely sure they’re on the right path, and especially for the long term. The way I see it, is it’s all about the approach. How you approach life determines where you end up in terms of experiences, relationships, career paths and ultimately, life purpose.

By learning to be objective as much as possible, your decision making gets better, you’re less vulnerable to the poison of society; things can’t bring you down as much and you’re far harder to push off course.

Going off course can be as simple as losing discipline in the smallest things – take not doing the dishes as regularly as you should. Objectively approaching such a trivial matter would be acknowledging how little you want to do the dishes but also acknowledging the importance of staying on top of essential habits, as this leaks into all other areas of your life.

It’s basically a ‘do it whether you feel like it or not’ scenario.

Being overly caught up with changing and fickle emotions will have you justifying losing discipline all too often, and when this happens everything else can landslide.

As the great Jordan Peterson says, even if things are terrible right now, clean your room. Take a shower. Make yourself presentable. Aim for 1% improvement each day and let the laws of accumulation work their magic.

You’re now encouraging the snowball effect to take place and who knows where this could lead you! Now you can see how changing your thinking and approach lays the groundwork for even the most lost of us to dig ourselves out of the rut, and find the light.

Denial & suppression of all emotions?

You’re probably wondering if I’m just telling you to shut all emotions and feelings off, and pretend they don’t exist. I hear this often when I make these kind of appeals – appeals to your inner rationality – that it’s just emotional denial and suppression. And I guess to some extent there may be some truth to it.

But as with anything, it’s all a spectrum. You’re somewhere on the spectrum, so am I. So is everybody else. On one end we have the emotionally unstable wild child (like toddlers) who feel sad over the littlest thing, and on the other hand we have the armoured up superhero, who’s make up means he doesn’t feel anything that mere humans are capable of feeling. Then we have you and I somewhere in between.

Please keep things in perspective. I’m not telling you to not cry if your mum dies or your girlfriend ditches you. Nor am I telling you not to go fucking crazy celebrating when you win a competition, or get that PR you wanted for months or even years. I’m not telling you to not kiss your girl with passion and continue that to the bedroom…I’m telling you to cut out all the knee-jerk reactions you have.

The times where someone says something that’s a major reflection on them and you take it personally.

The times where you open up Instagram and see someone living their best life, who’s younger than you, hotter than you and way more successful than you.

The times where something doesn’t go right first time and you question the point of it all, and want to change tracks for the umpteenth time.

Objective thinking will save you. You’ll know they said or did that because they’re feeling that way, or are that way, or just not a great person.

You’ll know the Instagram lens is a distorted one. You’ll know the pics are edited and the caption isn’t from their heart, but stolen and rehashed from someone else.

And ultimately you’ll know very few things go right first time and if they do it’s as a result of immense planning and practice, and can still be purely by chance. Refinement of skill, practice and persistence creates brilliance. Sadly though, we’re not objective enough to see outside of the falsities our monkey minds like to trick us with, when it comes to our perception of our peers.

Coaches, friends, influencers & heroes?

Are they objective or subjective people? Because it will make a difference and a massive one at that.

It’s quite paradoxical in many ways that we live in the world of information and never before has it been easier to learn something from your own home, aka via the internet. Yet at the same time there are more coaches around than ever before! Life coaches, fitness coaches, sex coaches, business coaches, relationship coaches, fashion coaches and even coaching coaches…

And why is this?

Because although the solo self taught route sounds sexier when you tell your life story in 30 years’ time, it’s much tougher to make it without the feedback of people with more experience than you. Objective feedback. Feedback born out of experience. Objective coaching is assessing your current level and telling you what you need to do to get to the next level.

It’s not wanting it so bad it hurts and all you can see is haze instead of reality. It’s the cold hard truth popped onto your lap for you to deal with, accept and grow from.

What are your friends attitudes like?

If they’re subjective and always being bogged down by what others do, complaining about supposed bad luck and never taking ownership for their flaws, failures and shortcomings, it’s going to be very hard for you to have an objective mindset and attitude having them around.

Good friends tell you how it is. They needn’t be blunt and hurtful, but they’re still truthful and tell you what they think, for better or worse. If they see something harmful to you they let you know, even if it’s not easy to tell you. I always try to be that friend myself. It isn’t easy but you attract and keep better people as the ones who value this approach are like-minded.

I know the damage being mis-led can cause. My family spent years tricking me into thinking I wasn’t all the things I knew I was but wasn’t old enough, or confident enough, to fully accept and take ownership of. It leads to years of procrastination and ultimately further dented confidence. They think they’re ‘being nice’ but they’re actually destroying you. It really is awful.

Who influences you?

‘Influencer’ is a swear word these days as anyone who identifies themselves as an influencer, usually is a massive cock sucker, let’s face it. But like it or lump it we’re incredibly perceptive and receptive to influence. It’s hard wired human nature to copy others and try to be around a group or tribe, if you will.

Which is why it’s crucial to have a well-developed influencer filter – one that protects you from all the massive cock sucking influencers saturating social media and YouTube. You know, the girls who sell you the body confidence life, yet they cry themselves to sleep each night and are actually bulimic.

Or the guys who sell you the alpha male dream but are actually using fake teeth, steroids, lifts in their shoes and penis enhancers. Or even the strong brahs who use fake weights in their vids? Let’s not forget the pickup artists who don’t get half the women they say they get and actually pay the women to feature in their vids.

Don’t get me wrong, there are many people out there living the life you want to live. Doing the things you want to do. Sharing a good message and being good role models but with the noise of the internet these days, they’re becoming trickier to identify.

So yes, you even need to be objective when deciding who to follow, who to subscribe to and who to look up to.

If you peel the layers back, at the core of most of these ‘heroes’ are get rich quick schemes, mass marketing and a narcissistic desire to be a ‘success’. They don’t give a fuck about helping you, they just want your follow, your sub, your likes and your money.

Find the ones who are passionate about what they do, live what they do, don’t overcharge for what they do and despite their genuine success, still have an impressive amount of humility to them and humbleness.

The wrap up

I hope at the very least this post has sparked a new way of thinking within you. Even this little nudge to change your thought process may lead you to make better decisions for the rest of today, and tomorrow, and for the future in general.

Even understanding the message today is a wonderful example of objectivity: you can begin to see how the small things even coming down to the way you think about day to day occurrences, can shape a better life. You realise you’ve got more power than you think. You hold the aces.

It’s no longer ‘I’m from this family who lives in this place, so therefore I’ll never be that’.

It’s ‘well, X, Y or Z didn’t come from the perfect place with the ideal resources and the optimal support, yet they still did it anyway.

#ObjectiveMindset.